Who is in charge of my son's life?

I haven't posted in a while. I have been busy with work. However, this weekend provided something that had to be written.

I worry about my son. He has had issues with the other kids teasing him. He is a great kid, but acts "different". We all know what that can lead to in grade school. One thing that he loves to do around the house is dance. I can't do it because I am too self-conscious. He, on the other hand, could care less what others think about it.

Saturday was the first "mixer" of the year at school. It is for the 6-8th grade kids, including other schools. They do them to raise funds. My son wanted to go. I worried about how he would be treated and if we would have any fun. Turns out, I'm an idiot.

He danced by himself in the middle of a crowd of nearly 500 kids. At one point, he was dancing in a circle of kids, and he was pretty good. People even told him so. He did what he wanted without worrying what others might say. And he had a great time.

No matter how hard we want to protect our kids, we don't know what is going to happen. All I could do was pray that it would turn out OK. God did me one better. He gave my son a night of enjoyment that I would have denied him. I learned a valuable lesson about who should be in charge of my son's life. It's not me.

I Just Want To Make You Proud

My son always want to do something to make me proud. He thinks that he needs to score a goal or a touchdown or perform some great feat to do it. I keep telling him that's not how it works. I am proud of him for who he is, not what he does.

When he tries his hardest, I am proud. When he does the right thing, I am proud. When is shows manners or behave the right way in public, I am proud. I am proud for the man he is becoming not for the prizes that he brings me.

However, do I always show him my pride? No. He see much more of my anger than my pride. In trying to raise him to be the man "I" think he should be, I sometimes miss out on the man "he" is becoming. If I say I am proud of him, why don;t I show it more? I guess the simple answer is that I am not the man I want him to be.

Many times he ask me straight up, why am I treating him the way I am. Perhaps I got mad an criticized or teased him, or in some other way acted foolishly. He calls me on it and make me think. He is more man in that situation than I. And that make me more proud than any goal.

I hope I can do a better job being the man he is, so I can make him proud.

God, You can have this one

I know that when I have a problem, I am supposed to give it up to God. However, I usually get all worked up over the issue before I even THINK about God. Why is that? Why do I respond emotionally before I remember what I am supposed to do?

I think the answer is clear. That's just the way that we are wired. It seems that we always go into the "what COULD happen" mode when there is a problem. For me, I let my fear drive the process. Fear that I will end up in trouble. Fear that I will be blamed. Fear that I will be yelled at. Fear that I will be embarrassed. Fear the I MAY BE WRONG?

Fear drive me into the "take control and fix it" mode. I should recognize my fear and then turn it, and the issue, over to God. He can handle it. He will lead me. He will work it out in the fashion He sees fit. Why am I clawing to keep control?

God, you can have this problem. Take it. Take my fear with it. Relieve me of my stress and show me what you want me to do. Together we will get through it.

Healed with a thought

On Saturday April 18th, my second oldest son almost died. I may be exaggerating a tad, but when you stop breathing in the ER, I count that as being close to death. He was running, tripped an hit his head on a fire hydrant. Within an hour he didn't know who anyone was, where he was, or what was going on around him. By the time the ambulance got him to the ER at the children's hospital, he was combative. Not good.

Our pediatrician's office called my cell to tell me they had called the ambulance. I was at a soccer game with the other kids. I called my parents to take them and headed for the hospital. I prayed. I pleaded. I tried to say that I wanted God's Will to be done. But I told Him that He knew what outcome I wanted. Most importantly, I told God that I believed He could heal my son with a thought. I was a scared as I have ever been.

I found my wife in the ER. She was beside herself with fear as well. When they told us that his scans were clear but that he was on a respirator and going to be transferred to PICU, we thought "OK". We would get through this with God's help.

within 48 hours we were checking out. Our son would be fine with rest. No activity for 3 months. He had a severe concussion, but not a mark on him. His headaches would subside in a week or so. Other than that, he seemed fine.

I go the miracle that I prayed for. God had healed my son with a thought! What a wonderful God I have.

God's Always Talking, Are You Listening?

Think about it. Did God stop talking to folks a couple thousand years ago, or did we forget how to listen? I think that the problem is more with us than with God. I discuss this with my kids. You never know when He is talking.

I continue to pray for guidance and I continue to find opportunities being presented. God is answering me, jut not with words. We have to keep an eye open and look at life through the right lens. God wants me to work for the answer and see it in the little things. I believe that.

Sometimes the answer comes from an unlikely source. Sometime it comes in a strange package. God has his reasons for giving us the answers in the manner that He does. If we don't look for it, we won't see it.

Let those who have eyes see and those who have ears hear! Amen.

It all comes down to trusting God

As I work on the parish capital campaign, I am aware of the lack of tithing that occurs with every church. Many people find it hard to make time or give of their treasure, especially during tough times. They think that if they just had a little more, they could do a little more. I have fallen into that camp at times in the past.

Today, I was telling my children that it can't be that way. You have to trust that God will provide for you if you trust Him. That type of trust takes action. Showing God that you trust in His protection by ensuring that you give from your "first fruits" is hard, but it always brings rewards. God fives us the opportunity to show that trust, which in turn give Him the opportunity to show His love through His gifts.

If My kids can learn that trusting God reduces stress and bring about that which you truly need, then my parenting will have paid off. If we adults could learn that same fact, God's work would be moving through the world at a much faster pace.

I have to model this behavior. So, for this campaign, I am going to make a donation that I may not be able to afford (in my thinking). However, I believe that through that trust in God, my family will be rewarded with gifts that I can not imagine. It's not a matter of expecting it in return. It's a matter of believing it and trusting that God will take care of me and my family.

New Year, But Still Teaching

I had another chance to teach the boys a lesson that I have taught before. They are like me, and sometimes require repeated instruction before it takes hold. This lesson had to do with how to accept an apology.

Now, with three sons there is always someone apologizing to someone for a wrong that has been committed. Most times, these are trivial things. That are little boys after all. However, I have noticed that when one of them apologizes the other inevitably says "It's OK". It is?

I explained to the boys that when someone wrongs you and apologizes, you have to find it in your heart to accept their apology (if it is heart-felt and true). However, you do not have to dismiss their actions as acceptable. It's not OK. What they did was wrong. You can forgive that person without saying it was no big deal. Heck, you can forgive the person totals your car in an accident, but you still want the money your due.

We all need to understand that forgiveness is not the same as accepting the behavior. I don't think you should let the person off the hook by discounting their actions. They will never grow from that. Forgive them and you may both grow from the situation.