Another Year Gone

As the last day of 2008 draws to a close, I am reminded that time passes whether I want it to or not. Small children get bigger, until one day they are a Man or Woman. What happened?

I enjoy the time with my kids. I wonder how long they will think I am cool, funny, worth spending time with. I am sure that their teenage years will pull us apart some, but I pray that they come back.

2008 was a fine year. My kids are at a great age. They can take care of themselves, for the most part, but still need me. I love them each more than I ever thought I could love someone. They are a piece of my, outside of my body. My heart with it's own little arms and legs.

I pray that 2009 will bring us more of what we need and a little of what we want. And I pray that my children still like me at the end of it.

You Choose Your Reaction

I had a heart to hear with Jonah this week. He has been having troubles at school that have been causing him to "have a terrible day". Sometimes, his reactions to what happens to him are inappropriate for the situation. At school, if he doesn't get time on the computer or if he misses an assignment and has to make it up, he becomes depressed. He views it as a horrible thing, and it takes him completely negative. The remainder of the day is shot.

I explained to him that he can not completely control what happens to him, but he chooses his reaction. Nobody can make him feel anything. He chooses it. This is something that took me a long time to understand. It is what victims do. They are not in control of their lives.

He says he understands, and I think he does. He has to choose to have a positive outlook. He has to choose to see the good and let the bad go. He has to choose to have the appropriate response in public. He can talk out his emotions at home. He does not have to fall apart in front of everyone. He chooses that.

It might sound harsh, but everyone has to live by this principle. We control what we can control. The only thing that we can control is our self and our reactions to life. Things happen, but our reaction is our own. We have to choose to be positive and let God handle what comes our way. We can't play the victim and be happy. It doesn't work that way.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

With the Thanksgiving Holiday here, the kids are home from school. I am also taking some vacation. My wife just loves having us all in the house! Wouldn't you? The noise of play and the intermittent fighting make for a lovely time.

Usually, the kids act better with me around. They have a little more fear to keep them in line. However, with this much time even that looses it hold on them. I talk to them about how there actions make their mother dread having them home for extended periods. Boys will be boys, but they might not make it to manhood unless they straighten up!

The question is, are they really all that different from us adults? They are driven by their own wants and they fight when that conflicts with what is happening. "Play my way!" could just as easily be heard at the office. It's just that adults don't say it out loud. "Stop bugging me!" could come from our closest friends at times, but they hold their tongue and think it instead.

So really, can't we all just get along could be the theme for many of our lives.

Recognize It and Let It Go

My son hates to make a mistake. Who doesn't. He gets down on himself, thinking that he has let everyone down in some way. He says he is stupid, because that's how he feels. I must admit that I am probably the same way, I just don't verbalize it. I am a man. I bury it.

Last night I found myself asking him why he can't admit when he makes a mistake. He says the words get caught in his throat. True enough. I told him that he has to be able to recognize his mistakes, admit them, see how he could avoid them in the future and then let it go. Sounds simple, but we all know how hard that is. Lord knows I can't always follow my own advice on this subject.

I told Jonah it is what he has to do if he wants to be happier. That's true for all of us. We have to forgive ourselves and try better next time. Most of all, we have to let it go.

You can't approach everything the same way

Sometimes, teaching your children is really about teaching yourself. Jake, my 9 year old, is having problems at school. Social Studies is eating his lunch. He does fine with every other subject, but not Social Studies. He says he is trying, and I think he is, but it isn't paying off. He just isn't making any headway.

I just got finished telling him that he has to try different ways of studying so that he can find the right answer. What works in one subject just isn't working with this one. He has to keep trying until he finds the right answer. That means more work and more focus. There isn't really any other way.

How many times in life is this true? What is working for us in other areas just isn't getting it done in another area. But many times we just keep trying the same methods and we don't understand that these methods have to change. We have to try other things, new ways of finding success. We have to work harder, and smarter, until we find the right approach.

Do Your Best and Things Work Out

How many of us have heard this in the past? If we do our best, things will work out for us. Work hard, pay attention, give it 100%. These are the things that we control. Take care of our business and "what will be, will be".

Other factors, outside of our control, may affect the situation. Sometime things won't work out the way we WANT them because of these factors. However, since we can't control them there is no sense worrying about them. Focus on what we control and "leave the rest to God".

I agree with all of these points. I share them with my family and friends when the situation calls for it. I truly believe that what is outside of my control is not worth the worry. I TRY to leave it to God. I'll do my part and He will do His.

Right now, my company is downsizing. After nearly 19 years, I may loose my job. The economy, our particular business environment and many other valid issues are driving this change. I have given my best to the company through the years and they have rewarded me. My career has progressed nicely. However...

The thought of being without a job scares the hell out me. I rationalize the situation with all of the logic above, but deep inside I shake like child. I've done all I can and it is out of my hands now. I pray and I wait. I was suppose to find out next week. now they have moved it to January. That's something.

I've done what I can. Now I have to sit back and hope things work out.

Hard Work Pays Off!

My last post dealt with my oldest son, Jonah. This one does too. Jonah happens to be at that age where things a happening... sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

Last night was probably his final football practice. He has worked hard all year, but he is limited in size and athleticism. His is the smallest kid on the team, but he never gives up. He is working every day to get better, even if his progress seems slow to me. Well, last night he had his best practice of the year. Good tackling. Good field awareness. Cheers and congratulations from his teammates. He was so excited.

The lesson for Jonah is that hard work pays off. I hope he learns to apply that throughout his life. the lesson for me is that I must be patient. My children are doing their best to succeed. The timing is not up to me. Everything comes in its own sweet time. All of my pushing won't speed it up. I should be helpful, but not overbearing.

Last night was sweet indeed. For Jonah, and his proud father.

Not so Little, Not so Big!

Today, we celebrate Jonah's 11th birthday. He is in the 5th grade, completing his first year of tackle football, asking sometimes profound questions, but still a little boy. The question is, when will / should he "grow up"?

Some kids grow up faster than they mature. My wife and I have always felt that most kids are too quick to be "bigger". We also feel like many parents are in too big a hurry as well. Sometimes we think our kids are too naive, but that's OK. We don't want our kids to grow up as much as we want them to mature, at the right pace for them.

Jonah has his issues. We all do. He is not the biggest, the fastest, the strongest or the smartest. That's fine. He IS one of the most loving, most creative, most eager to please little boys that you will ever find. He is well mannered and perhaps a little too mature to get along with the average 5th grader. Jonah is just fine. Dad just needs to remember all of these things when dealing with Jonah.

I want him to be the best man he can be so badly, I push a little too much. I see the potential, and I want to pull it out of him by force. Then, I see my little boy in his eyes and I want to keep that child forever. It's tough being a Dad. especially with little boys who aren't so little anymore.

Welcome

This is my first post to my first blog. I am excited and afraid.

I am starting this because I wanted a place to leave my thoughts, coaching, and teaching that I communicate to my children on a daily basis. Sometimes hourly! My Daughter Hannah Rose is 12. Jonah is 11. Jacob is 9 and Gabriel (Gabe) is 7. they listen well but they sometimes remember poorly. I hope this helps.

I have learned much though my nearly 40 years. My father taught me many things that i try to pass along to my children. My God has revealed many things that I try to share with my children. My sole desire is to raise children who respect others, love themselves and their family, honor their God and do what is right.

It seems that I am never too old to be taught a lesson. My father still instructs me. My God never tires of pointing out my follies. At times, my children are the ones doing the teaching. all of this helps me grow.

When I do learn something, i like to teach others. It helps cement it in my mind. I also believe in passing on wisdom and sharing with others. We could all do a better job at that.