Who is in charge of my son's life?

I haven't posted in a while. I have been busy with work. However, this weekend provided something that had to be written.

I worry about my son. He has had issues with the other kids teasing him. He is a great kid, but acts "different". We all know what that can lead to in grade school. One thing that he loves to do around the house is dance. I can't do it because I am too self-conscious. He, on the other hand, could care less what others think about it.

Saturday was the first "mixer" of the year at school. It is for the 6-8th grade kids, including other schools. They do them to raise funds. My son wanted to go. I worried about how he would be treated and if we would have any fun. Turns out, I'm an idiot.

He danced by himself in the middle of a crowd of nearly 500 kids. At one point, he was dancing in a circle of kids, and he was pretty good. People even told him so. He did what he wanted without worrying what others might say. And he had a great time.

No matter how hard we want to protect our kids, we don't know what is going to happen. All I could do was pray that it would turn out OK. God did me one better. He gave my son a night of enjoyment that I would have denied him. I learned a valuable lesson about who should be in charge of my son's life. It's not me.

I Just Want To Make You Proud

My son always want to do something to make me proud. He thinks that he needs to score a goal or a touchdown or perform some great feat to do it. I keep telling him that's not how it works. I am proud of him for who he is, not what he does.

When he tries his hardest, I am proud. When he does the right thing, I am proud. When is shows manners or behave the right way in public, I am proud. I am proud for the man he is becoming not for the prizes that he brings me.

However, do I always show him my pride? No. He see much more of my anger than my pride. In trying to raise him to be the man "I" think he should be, I sometimes miss out on the man "he" is becoming. If I say I am proud of him, why don;t I show it more? I guess the simple answer is that I am not the man I want him to be.

Many times he ask me straight up, why am I treating him the way I am. Perhaps I got mad an criticized or teased him, or in some other way acted foolishly. He calls me on it and make me think. He is more man in that situation than I. And that make me more proud than any goal.

I hope I can do a better job being the man he is, so I can make him proud.

God, You can have this one

I know that when I have a problem, I am supposed to give it up to God. However, I usually get all worked up over the issue before I even THINK about God. Why is that? Why do I respond emotionally before I remember what I am supposed to do?

I think the answer is clear. That's just the way that we are wired. It seems that we always go into the "what COULD happen" mode when there is a problem. For me, I let my fear drive the process. Fear that I will end up in trouble. Fear that I will be blamed. Fear that I will be yelled at. Fear that I will be embarrassed. Fear the I MAY BE WRONG?

Fear drive me into the "take control and fix it" mode. I should recognize my fear and then turn it, and the issue, over to God. He can handle it. He will lead me. He will work it out in the fashion He sees fit. Why am I clawing to keep control?

God, you can have this problem. Take it. Take my fear with it. Relieve me of my stress and show me what you want me to do. Together we will get through it.